Sarah's Surgery

Monday turned out to be a long, but very good day.

 Sarah's surgery went well,

although waking up from the anesthesia
seemed to be a little hard on her.

She was super, super groggy and in and out of it for a couple of hours

  and had some waves of nausea and vomiting,

 

but once all that evened out, she was back to her 

little silly self - just a bit more wobbly than usual.

Once we left the hospital, she kept tripping and falling down, which if I hadn't been so concerned about her injuring herself or hurting her incision and stitches, would have been quite funny.

Fortunately, she seems no worse for the wear.

She is such a laid-back, easy-going girl that what could have been a disaster (from the standpoint of potential preschool meltdown behavior), really turned into a sweet, sweet day. We tried to help her understand what we were doing that morning, but really, how do you explain to a 3 year old that she has a boo boo inside her body that she didn't even know was there, has never seen, and seemingly has never caused her any pain, and yet still needs to be fixed?  The look on her face when she finally woke up enough afterwards to go potty and noticed her carrot-orange (from the betadine) midsection and her glued-up incision was priceless.  She was so surprised.

As for the "trusting God and letting go" part...that is just so hard!  You know, I barely slept at all the night before - not necessarily from worry, but rather, just anticipation.  Spent alot of time praying.  Then shortly after 3am she showed up and got up in bed with us (something we don't usually "allow" but there was no way I was telling her "no" that night), and I got to snuggle with her and pray for her and just soak up her total contentment and peace, and it was such a sweet, sweet gift.  

Everything at the hospital went off without a hitch, and it even turned out that the anesthesiologist and I had alot in common through the anesthesia resident program at UTK and being able to talk about all those things with her just really put my mind at ease.  The bottom line is that God went over and above to meet me where I was and also filled me with peace in places I didn't even know I needed it - and He even returned her back to me.  At least from my perspective, it just doesn't get much better than that!

But I trust in You, O LORD;

I say, "You are my God."

My times are in Your hands.

Psalm 31:14-15

Just a Mom

One of the most common questions we get asked the first time we meet people is "Did you guys always plan to have so many children?"  And our answer is always a resounding "Yes."

Even before we were married, when we had started talking about and dreaming of our hopeful future life together, we dreamed of having a big family and even had names picked out for 6 children - 3 boys and
3 girls.

When we finally did marry, I was so eager to have a baby of my own that I cried every month it turned out that I wasn't pregnant, even though we weren't even trying to get pregnant - in fact, we were actively trying not to get pregnant - and yet I still cried ;).  We had just started our life together, and we were both still in school, and we knew that practically it just wasn't the right time to start a family.
(Ha! Looking back now, I see just how silly it was and is to think we really had or have any control over that anyway).

So after 5 years of sheer marital bliss - well, excluding that one very ugly newlywed fight over car repairs ;) -God changed my life and my name forever...with Ben, I became a MOM.

Oh I was in love...that sweet, soft baby skin, those cute little baby clothes, the little bitty diapers, his perfectly formed tiny little fingers that wrapped perfectly around mine, his sweet little smile - everything about him just melted my heart.  And so my journey began.

Michaela came along a short 18 months later and then Luke another 3 years after that.  With a few "planned" and a few "surprises" along the way, before Ben turned 14, we had been gifted with 7 precious children.

In some ways, being a mom has been exactly what I was expecting, but in so many other ways, I have been completely surprised.  My biggest challenge, hands-down, has been the continual lesson in letting go - learning to hold my children with open hands and completely entrusting them to their Creator Father.

I may be the hands and feet of comfort and care, but God is their very Sustainer of Life, and while I know that and believe that, the fact remains, I am still just a mom... their mom.

Sarah is scheduled for "routine" surgery in the morning (is any surgery really "routine" when it's your child?), and I find myself at a place of heightened awareness - even beyond my daily awareness I've grown to acknowledge, that HE alone is in charge.

I've been praying continually for her, for her doctor and his team, and for Mark and myself.  And I do believe.  But at the end of the day, I must confess, I am still just a mom.

Your prayers are welcomed and appreciated too.  Thank you.

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 

"I do believe; 

help me overcome my unbelief!"

Mark 9:24

La Vida Loca

Could it be that I really didn't write a single post during the entire month of April? (not to mention the entire last half of March?)
Why, yes.  Yes it could be.

The old ever-striving-towards-perfection (but never-quite-achieving-it) me would feel a crazy, unrealistic, overwhelming need to go back and fill in all the "missing" posts, but the new humbled-by-the-realization-that-I-will-never-be perfect (and let's be honest, just a little bit tired somedays too) me (thankfully) doesn't feel that way at all. :)

However, after little (or no) deliberation, the two me's decided to meet somewhere in the middle and compose what will probably end up being a way-too-long post that summarizes our last 45 days or so of livin' la vida loca (now you've got that song running through your head, don't you?  Welcome to the club.  I've been humming it - well just that line actually - because that's the only line I can remember) for days now.

So, let's begin...

Unfortunately, shortly after my last post, I ended up very, very sick.  What I thought was just going to be a little uncomfortable cold, turned into a really big uncomfortable bronchitis.  It lasted the better part of 3 weeks, and at it's height, took me completely out of the ballgame for several days.  There were days I seriously did nothing more than get out of the bed and move to the chair, only to end up back in the bed a short while later.  Fortunately there were only a few of those days, but I'm telling you, the lingering fatigue and general run-down-ness (I know, probably not really a word, but work with me here) really threw me for a loop.  Of course, it didn't take long for Mark and I both to start wondering if maybe those twenty bags of weeds that were the subject of my last post got the last laugh.  I've never really been one to struggle with seasonal allergies, but after this year, I'm not so sure anymore.

And though I may have been sick and tired and a little run down for a few weeks, no one else was, and so life, as it should, kept right on going.

Mark and Luke took a road trip to Memphis to cheer on his alma mater, the Memphis Tigers, during the Conference USA Tournament,

and while they were there, Grandpa taught Luke how to shoot a BB gun.

Ben had surgery to remove a mysterious (but thankfully benign) cyst in his jaw;

(Here he was really liking the drugs he got before-hand 

to help him relax)

Michaela was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society at school;

 

Ben spent nearly every weekend working as the scorekeeper for volleyball games in order to raise money for our summer mission trip to Guatemala, and Michaela played another season of rec volleyball.

We celebrated Katie Mae's 2nd birthday with a day trip to Chattanooga,

and we hunted candy-filled plastic eggs more than once

Sol was done after he found this first one.  

Opening and closing it over and over again was all

the entertainment he needed.

 Sarah was delighted to hunt eggs with her best friend, "AnnieBelle"

I finally figured out how to make and decorate those cute little boutique-type cookies 

while Sarah figured out how to eat the blue gel dye while I wasn't looking.

We were saddened by Junior's death, but were thankful to be able to attend his funeral and spend the day with Grandpa and Grandma Rose in Memphis (and do a little prospecting of course)

 and play with their new puppy, Nami.

We completed and mailed our taxes in (on time but still later than we've ever done it before), and Sol got his first haircut 

(and yes, I cried).

Michaela hurt her foot and got out of doing PE for two weeks but also had to pass on running the 5K for which she had spent months training, Sol got an ear infection that required two full rounds of antibiotics to combat it, our life group celebrated Baby Cleveland #3 and her family with a life group/baby shower combo meeting, and we spent lots of time hanging out in homemade tents.

Ben dissected a worm, a crayfish, and a perch (but still has the frog to go - you should ask him about the fish sometime - I understand it was quite a sight).

Gabe (legitimately) beat Mark in our church's Run For Missions annual 5K 

 and placed 2nd in his division,

while Luke competed well for the youngest in his age bracket of 10-14 year olds this year.

I read 4 incredible novels,

half of a not-so-incredible novel (not pictured here), and an insightful, very helpful, wish-I-had-read-it-years-ago, highly-recommend-it parenting book.

All 7 kids got well checks and/or immunizations and two of them (plus myself) went to the dentist; Mark got a crown (in his mouth - not on his head), and the orthodontist got several more $30 payments for repairing broken brackets.  Sol cut eight (yes, eight) teeth

 while Gabe lost one.

We celebrated the beautiful Tennessee spring weather by spending nearly an entire day playing and picnicking at our newly renovated (thanks to Taylor Swift's generosity) Kid's Kingdom with a park-full of other people even though not a single one of them is in this picture (strange, huh?)

Jaden had his first pony ride and loved, loved, loved it.

I went on a movie date with Gabe and Jaden,

a lunch date with Ben and Sol, 

  a dinner date with just my "Littles", 

and a "just-girls" date with Sarah.

I learned how to (very quickly) shut off the main water supply to my elderly neighbor's house just before vacuuming out more than 80 gallons of water from her bedroom carpet and helping coordinate the additional help she was going to need.  And just two days ago, surrounded by her friends, Michaela got her first ear (and cartilage) piercing 

 

 

 

(and yes, she said the cartilage piercing really, really hurt - it hurt me just to watch!).

In spite of all of its "loco-ness" (how's that for some Spanglish?), life has been good.  That's not to say there haven't been some snags and difficulties along the way - some things in fact, have been and continue to be very difficult - but through it all, God is good.

I've been binging on a Kari Jobe CD lately, especially the song
"You Are For Me".  I love the lyrics.

So faithful

So constant

So loving and so true

So powerful in all You do

You fill me

You see me

You know my every move

You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me

I know that You are for me

I know that You will never

Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come down

Even if to write upon my heart

To remind me who You are

And that, my friend, at the end of a crazy, crazy day, is exactly what I need - to be reminded of the truth of whose I am and of Who He Is.

The LORD is good,

a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in Him.

Nahum 1:7

Lessons from the Flower Bed

I have a monster flower bed.

It's more than 64 feet long and at least 8 feet deep. So what is that? More than 500 square feet?

I thought it was a good idea at the time - when we built it - about 5 years ago. The area that runs the length of our yard was nothing but an overgrown brush heap that had to be cleared when we put up the fence, and instead of just making it part of the yard, I wanted a flower bed - a ginormous flower bed.

What was I thinking?

I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking "Drought tolerant, easy-to-grow, low-maintenance rich, lush garden full of stunning, vibrant colors that will grace your landscape from spring through fall" (yes, I copied that out of my flower catalog).

And I'll tell you what I was not thinking. I was not thinking "WEEDS!"

When we built the bed, I was vaguely aware that I should take some weed-preventative action like laying down plastic beneath the soil or something like that, but I was quite inexperienced at it, and just a little bit eager to get it done quickly, so I opted to just skip that step. I mean after all, how hard can it be to just pull up the weeds as they grow. A few here. A few there.

Yeh, right.

Even as a "stay-at-home-mom", my list of everyday things-to-do stays pretty long, and let's be honest, weeding the flower bed rarely, if ever, makes the cut.

And while choosing to not weed the flower bed regularly is my choice, it's just not conducive to producing that "lush garden full of stunning, vibrant colors" I really do desire.

And somehow, things had gotten, shall we say "a little bit out of control"?


So last week, I spent the equivalent of several entire work days weeding the flower bed. I removed more than a twenty huge bags of weeds and two huge bundle of dead twigs all while thinking how next year I'm just gonna fill it with concrete or just pull it all and plant grass.

Of course, I'll do neither, but still...

And you know, I couldn't spend the whole week outside (sort of) alone with my thoughts (my kids really don't like to weed any more than I do, so for the most part, they entertained themselves a relatively safe distance from me) without somehow equating this whole weeding and gardening process to my spiritual life.

I've been reading through the book of Numbers lately. It may truly be "ancient history," but it never ceases to amaze me how its words contain so much wisdom and application for my life today.

The line of thought that sticks out in particular is that God is just. Every choice we make has a consequence, but despite that consequence, God still longs to be compassionate towards us, to redeem us time and time again, to make a way to restore to order His original plan for us which is to be in complete relationship and unity with Him, in every aspect of our lives so that His blessings may abound and that we may recognize them as we look at our lives "through" His eyes.

Numbers 25 tells the story of the Israelites, who as they were doing their time in the desert, again took their eyes off of God and became ensnared by their lust for the Midianite women, brought upon themselves a plague which claimed 24,000 of their lives (admittedly, a little more dire consequence than a few thousand weeds), and of God, who despite His righteous anger towards their disobedience, demonstrated His continued compassion towards them and His desire for them to be in right relationship with Him. After the consequence for their disobedience had played out, God sent them on a mission to vanquish from their lives the sin that had ensnared them, literally - God called the Israelites to go to war against the Midianites and absolutely abolish them. The account isn't pretty, but considering how easily the Israelite men were seduced, the men who had actually seen with their own eyes, God's greatness demonstrated in very real ways sometimes I can't even fathom (like their release from Egypt and the parting of the Red Sea and the raining down manna and quail from heaven and the fresh water from a rock!), the complete destruction of the sin which so easily lured their eyes from Him had to be carried out, for once that threat was eliminated, they could once again get back to the business for which they were created in the first place - being God's chosen people!

So what does all this have to do with my flower garden, you ask? Well, as I was kneeling there, yanking and digging and pulling and discarding 500 square feet of weeds, it occurred to me how quickly just a few choices to "look away" and not pull up those first few weeds turned into an out-of-control, totally overwhelmed, entangle, ensnared, ugly mess! (And don't even get me started on my choice not to vanquish even the threat of the weeds in the first place by taking the time to lay the plastic beneath the bed - kind of reminds me of another little Israelite problem, but that's another analogy for another time.)

But there I was, sweaty and dirty and stinky and well on my way to being sore for days, thinking about how this flower bed mirrored my own life. It doesn't take much neglect or very many skipped times in prayer or reading and meditation or very much looking "elsewhere" to let the weeds of discontentment or jealousy or bitterness or self-indulgence pop up and grow out-of control totally overwhelming me and entangling me and ensnaring me and well, just making me one big ugly mess!


And it's true, unfortunately, in my life, just like in my garden, sometimes I do choose to look "away" and I do neglect to eliminate the stuff that shouldn't be there; consequently, the weeds do grow.

But rather than just giving up on my garden, and even more importantly - do you see where I'm going with this? - rather than God just giving up on me, I yank and dig and pull and discard for however long I have to just to restore order and make it possible for my flower garden to get back to the business for which it was created in the first place - being a beautiful analogy of God's steadfast, ever-growing, love for me.

...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles...let us fix our eyes on Jesus...let us be thankful...
from Hebrews 12

The LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
Isaiah 30:18